I have spent the last year writing a book, overseeing 24-7 Prayer Canada, and starting some engagement with International Association for Refugees Canada. All this after leaving my 14-year position as a pastor-in-community with 614 Vancouver of The Salvation Army.
Church-wise, The Salvation Army is all I have ever known, so this was a very big transition. But one that I knew was coming, and knew I needed to make. I had felt for a long time that I could not fulfill what God was asking of me from within the particular confines and structures of The Salvation Army. It is just possible that a long and difficult wrestling-match with the organisation could provide the space for that, but I have not the energy.
So, instead of attempting to bless from within, I decided to step away and try to bless from without.
This lead to some loss in terms of identity and purpose, but these are good losses. I should never attach my identity and purpose to an organisation or a position. So there is a freedom there, though it has been intermittently painful.
There was also a loss in terms of security. I gave up a salary and benefits, not a minor thing with a family, including one child with diabetes. This has not proven easy either, but we have been cared for by community, and provided for by God. I don't mind simple living, and there is a freedom in "poverty" (I render it in quotations because our "poverty" is still pretty safe, comparatively speaking.)
I have hope for this next season of my life. Certain fat has been trimmed from my life and offered to God (that was the theme God gave me for 2018) and I am stepping into a time of careful discernment (the theme for 2019). I want to see beyond the human structures and limits, beyond my own sense of wisdom, beyond good ideas and best-laid schemes of mice and men. I want to see something of the behind-the-scenes spiritual reality, even if it freaks me out or upsets my worldview, so that I know I am pursuing something real and good.
Where I am wrong, I want to know it and amend it. Where I am being faithful I want to know it too, so that I can face misunderstanding and accusation with meekness, contentment, and bold, uncompromising love. My self-applied prayer this year is that I would seek the face of God first and foremost, and not get distracted or swayed even by the things that look or sound good.
If you are journeying with me this year, please pray this for me, and let me know how I can pray for you.
Grace and peace,
Aaron
Amen. I don't know exactly how to articulate what I want to say, but...yes. Me too. I left the Army some years ago out of obedience to God. And it was very freeing, as well. I hear you about growing closer to the Father - uncompromised. Yes.
ReplyDeleteMy inclination is to not leave a prayer request, but I think that would be wrong. My family needs continuing blessings and help so we can afford to live (God keeps blessing us and giving us favor and we are learning to trust Him more). We will be buying a car and looking for a place to live this year (currently living with my parents, but must find something of our own). My husband and I want to do whatever ministry the Lord has for us - We've been asking Him about something with autism (my husband is autistic), music, and prayer. I also have a heart for the poor and despised. God leads us. We are trying to wait on Him for direction. We would really like our daughter (5 months old) to be on a good schedule. Sleep is important for all of our sanity we have realized...
I will hold you and your family in prayer, Abigail.
ReplyDeleteThank you
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