I feel confident saying that this was the hardest year of my life.

Friendships ended.
Loved ones are hurting, and some were close to ending their lives.
Professionally, it was a struggle this year, and I feel like we are again having to justify our existence. I am weary over that.
I have battled, and sometimes succumbed, to depression and acedia.
Finances are tight.
Living under constant renovations is wearing me down.
I had a lingering injury which caused me to be in regular pain, and I haven't been sleeping well.
I often wonder if I'm doing any good at all, and I know that whatever good I am doing doesn't match the image of the good that people think I do.
The state of the world - well, it weighs on me. I am deeply saddened, not just by things life the refugee crisis, racist shootings, ongoing inequality, the housing crisis in Vancouver, but by the uncaring response of the world, and in particular of some Christians, to these things.

There were really good things too.
Miracle babies were conceived.
I made new friends.
I was able to run the Tough Mudder, twice, with two great teams. and we raised a ridiculous amount of money.
Our trip to the 24-7 Prayer Gathering in Vienna (with stops for an incredible wedding in Germany, and a glorious, though all-too-brief, retreat in Italy) was life-giving.
I was blessed to visit with significant friends around the world this year, and other friends came to visit us here in Vancouver.
People around me have been remarkably generous with their time and resources.
I got to make an important hire for 614.
The 614 Holiness Meetings, Cells, Prayers, and Mission is a beautiful expression of the Church. I feel privileged to be part of this.
I have witnessed people truly encountered by Jesus for the first time, and yield their lives to his love.
I have seen people grow remarkably in Christ-likeness.
24-7 Prayer Canada is taking on a new direction and vision, which I am able to help give direction to.
My family, my wife in particular, has been unreasonably patient with me.
God is good, and is gracious and merciful to me.

When I say it was the hardest year, I do not say that as a complaint. It is just a reality, just a circumstantial fact that I have lived with. I don't think the turning of an arbitrary calendar will make things any different. Plus, I am very aware that others have it way worse than I do. I have a home, resources, a family, a great job, education, lots of options, people who love me. I am not oppressed, not persecuted, not marginalised, not threatened. I still very much live in privilege. My own worst enemy is myself.

I know this. It doesn't make it easier, but I know it. It lends perspective.

Part of that perspective is the recognition that hard things have happened, and harder things will continue to happen. In this life, we will know sorrow. And we actually do have to know it - not try to escape it - if we are to really live the fullest life that God has for us.

So I don't begrudge the hard times. I don't like them, but I don't wish they had not been. I simply pray that in this new year, as the hard times continue to come, I will meet them with renewed faith, life, and energy. That I will be kind in the midst of them. That I will see the hard times that others are going through, and lend my strength to them, as I receive strength from others, and especially from God's Spirit. That I will be wise to know that which I can change, and that which I cannot. That I will redouble my commitment to pray and contemplation, so that my actions do not lose themselves in the world and become dangerous. That I will continue to know and rely upon the presence of God, which is my joy, which is my strength.